This is not a short story or a poem, I would call it more of
an essay; a virtual chat, computer intimacy. I would say this is me exposing my
vulnerabilities and connecting to my readership on a level that I have never
done before; so, with that being said, let me welcome you into my world.
I often have conversations with Miss T about self-reflection
and self-examination. One such conversation led me to ask this question: Who do
I say I am and who does God say I am? Do they line up? I asked this question because
1) I am in the midst of a spiritual revival in my life (my spirituality is a
very large part of who I am and my character but I was closed off and
disconnected from it for many years) and 2) I am in a state of change and open
to things that I have dismissed and discredited in the past. Given these two
facts plus my usual level of anxiety and angst you can imagine my feelings of
vulnerability and discomfort. I feel these things, not in a bad way, I feel
them because I know they are all part of God’s plan for my life…
A few years ago, I had a hedonistic, prodigal son moment and
I walked away from my spiritual truths, direction and guidance. Foolishly, I
chose to follow a myopic vision; I went for what looked and felt good and I can
honestly say IT DAMNED NEAR KILLED ME! I wandered for almost 16 years. I
managed to disconnect from so many vital things that kept me mindful of the
fact that I was a human being.
A few weeks back I wrote something about how the
enemy uses our choices to help kill us. He appeals to our egos and actually
uses us as a weapon in our own demise; the very first step in the destruction is
a separation from God. Note I use the word destruction because when the end
comes there is usually nothing left.
So now, here I am, so many years later thanking God for
allowing me to live through the experience; for correcting my vision, for learning
to acknowledge His word, His restoration and supplication. In my awaking I can
humble myself and I can honestly say that His ways are so much better. I must
stay humble, I must stay focused and I must lend a constant heart, as well as
ear to the things and words of God.
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