I've been bombarded by people struggling with questions
related to letting go of the past, bad relationships, death and various hurts.
I found this reading in Just for Today and it wouldn't be a blog if I didn't
add my 2₵ worth of advice. I hope this helps give insight to the work that
needs to be done.
Love And Addiction
"Some of us first saw the effects of addiction on
the people closest to us. We were very dependent on them to carry us through
life. We felt angry disappointed, and hurt when they found other interests,
friends, and loved ones."
Basic Text p. 7
Addiction affected every area of our lives. Just as we
sought the drug that would make everything alright, so we sought people to fix
us. We made impossible demands, driving away those who had anything of worth to
offer us. Often, the only people left were those who were themselves too needy
to be capable of denying our unrealistic expectations. It's no wonder that we
were unable to establish and maintain healthy intimate relationships in our
addiction.
Today, in recovery, we've stopped expecting drugs to fix
us. If we still expect people to fix us, perhaps it's time to extend our
recovery program to our relationships. We begin by admitting we have a
problem—that we don't know the first thing about how to have healthy intimate
relationships. We seek out members who've had similar problems and have found
relief. We talk with them and listen to what they share about this aspect of
their recovery. We apply the program to all our affairs, seeking the same kind
of freedom in our relationships that we find throughout our recovery.
Just for today: Loving relationships are within
my reach. Today, I will examine the effects of addiction on my relationships so
that I can begin seeking recovery.
pg. 95
We are drawn to people that we “connect with” on a mental
and emotional level. That is, we gravitate toward the familiar. In
other words, we have this innate sense of connection to people who “mirror” our
same energies. We base our relationships on our earliest representation-
our parents.
"Codependents
have a tendency to focus on the wants, needs and short comings of others.
Creating an inner conflict, the need to let go of focusing others and to direct
those “relationship” energies to start focusing on the inner self in order to understand what is happening.
Our behavior patterns, the people we are attracted to and who are attracted to
us, are symptoms of our childhood hurts. A symptom cannot be treated
without exploring the cause. Treating the symptoms is not the same as
developing a cure.
One
of the things to note is that we get involved with people who are unavailable
because we are unavailable.
We need to let go of the “Happily Ever After”
delusion. We are not “starter set” waiting for that someone to complete us –
where the line makes good copy for Jerry Mcguire, it’s not real life. We
need to put emphasis on self, developing insight and creating a path for
healing the emotional wounds that caused us to continuously select people who
can not meet our emotional needs and only serve to create deeper emotional
scars. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment