Saturday, October 25, 2014

Deeply Wounded By kb ©2008

I've been bombarded by people struggling with questions related to letting go of the past, bad relationships, death and various hurts. I found this reading in Just for Today and it wouldn't be a blog if I didn't add my 2₵ worth of advice. I hope this helps give insight to the work that needs to be done.


Love And Addiction
"Some of us first saw the effects of addiction on the people closest to us. We were very dependent on them to carry us through life. We felt angry disappointed, and hurt when they found other interests, friends, and loved ones."

Basic Text p. 7

Addiction affected every area of our lives. Just as we sought the drug that would make everything alright, so we sought people to fix us. We made impossible demands, driving away those who had anything of worth to offer us. Often, the only people left were those who were themselves too needy to be capable of denying our unrealistic expectations. It's no wonder that we were unable to establish and maintain healthy intimate relationships in our addiction.

Today, in recovery, we've stopped expecting drugs to fix us. If we still expect people to fix us, perhaps it's time to extend our recovery program to our relationships. We begin by admitting we have a problem—that we don't know the first thing about how to have healthy intimate relationships. We seek out members who've had similar problems and have found relief. We talk with them and listen to what they share about this aspect of their recovery. We apply the program to all our affairs, seeking the same kind of freedom in our relationships that we find throughout our recovery.

Just for today: Loving relationships are within my reach. Today, I will examine the effects of addiction on my relationships so that I can begin seeking recovery.

pg. 95









We are drawn to people that we “connect with” on a mental and emotional level.  That is, we gravitate toward the familiar.  In other words, we have this innate sense of connection to people who “mirror” our same energies.  We base our relationships on our earliest representation- our parents.
"Codependents have a tendency to focus on the wants, needs and short comings of others.  Creating an inner conflict, the need to let go of focusing others and to direct those “relationship” energies to start focusing on the inner self  in order to understand what is happening.  Our behavior patterns, the people we are attracted to and who are attracted to us, are symptoms of our childhood hurts.  A symptom cannot be treated without exploring the cause.  Treating the symptoms is not the same as developing a cure.

One of the things to note is that we get involved with people who are unavailable because we are unavailable.

 We need to let go of the “Happily Ever After” delusion. We are not “starter set” waiting for that someone to complete us – where the line makes good copy for Jerry Mcguire, it’s not real life.  We need to put emphasis on self, developing insight and creating a path for healing the emotional wounds that caused us to continuously select people who can not meet our emotional needs and only serve to create deeper emotional scars.  We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves.


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