How many times have you given someone a pass only to have them repeat the same behavior? How many times have you allowed someone to verbally or emotionally abuse you and you dismiss their actions with “that’s OK” or just move on without them ever apologizing or you acknowledging you’re hurt? I’m not talking about holding a grudge…EVERYONE should find it within themselves to forgive….what I’m attempting to address is internal work…because we can only control what we allow in our space we have no control over the other party.
I’m rehashing this post from December because it resonates
in my spirit today:
TV's NCIS fans should be familiar with Gibbs’ Rule
Number 6: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness. Maybe, just maybe
this is why his character is a loner and a 3 time divorcee.
In Love Story Ali McGraw: “Love means never having to
say you’re sorry.”
Why do we give people a pass... maybe it's because we don't
want to acknowledge our part in the foray or to acknowledge our own
shortcomings....
Bottom line IMMATURITY is what keeps us stuck in old
behaviors and view apologies a form of weakness. IMMATURITY is what tells you
that an apology is a form of groveling. Sometimes demanding an apology from
someone or offering an apology to someone taps into THEIR feelings of self-worth
and vulnerabilities. ... I'm going to attempt to elaborate on this concept for
you by discussing the mindset of a batterer (yes...a batterer. Now don't get me
wrong I'm not saying that immaturity will lead to battering but it will lead to
dysfunctional communication) A batterer will lash out when something or someone
disturbs their self-perception. So will a person who can't accept or offer an
apology. When the situation arises they see themselves as weak or vulnerable
and BAM!!! you're off to the races in an argument....sometimes it flashes like
a grease fire!
The process of apologizing or accepting an apology
unbalances our fragile sense of omnipotence. It means we have to face that we
are human after all, and that means humbling yourself and owning up to our
mistakes and setting them right.
If you’re unwilling and unyielding in apologizing, remind
yourself of these two things:
1. Apologizing doesn't denote inferiority, unworthiness, or
weakness. It doesn't mean you’re groveling. People who demand that you assume
such a position don’t want an apology; they are asking for submission, and with
that we’re in a different position.
2. An apology conveys a simple message that puts you in sync
with your humanity and the injured party: An apology says, “ I see and I
care about your well-being”.
1 Corinthian 13: 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
How ya livin’ ?!!!
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