Make your mess your message BY:KB © 1.20.15

I’m about to share a little bit more about myself….again, I keep my business my business but every so often something comes along that I feel people need to read, hear and know that it’s a common experience and they can get through it.

With that being said, here goes: I returned to college in 2004 to get my BA. I was urged to do so by my mom and sister. As 2004 approached, (remember I don’t make resolutions, I set things in motion in such a way that I cannot back out and set myself up for failure) I signed student loan papers and set the wheels in motion. I graduated in 2006 with my BA in Humanities with an emphasis in Creative Writing; my mentor for my senior project, an author, teacher, musician and fellow NY’er, RIP Danny Cassidy. 

I graduated with a mindset to change the world one reader at a time. I continued to expand my blog on social justice issues but I allowed the day to day pressures and a small bout with cancer, 2 major surgeries and 5 years of medication- I had every possible side effect, the illness, relocation and subsequent death of a partner in the midst of that, to shut me down and stifle my creativity.

Fast forward 8 years and I’m still struggling with keeping my writing going. I’d write a piece here and there but nothing with the verve that I once possessed. Then I met someone who reignited the passion that had been dormant because life put it on hold. I began writing based on pure, raw emotions and I felt myself come alive in the process….the situation ended just as quickly as it began…reality and life showed up again…but I handled the situation much differently this time…

First, I’m a person of strong faith and strong conviction and I had two choices…I could allow the situation to make me or I could rely on my own devices and let it break me. I had “checked out” on my faith, my faith knowledge, and had gotten off the path of my serious faith walk in prior situations and circumstances. I had a nodding acquaintance with instead of an intimate relationship with Christ.

 I began looking at me….my faults, fears and frailties…and I placed them at the feet of God. I went after God and the things of God with the same determination that I sought to fulfill my own needs...I gave my needs to Him as well…and guess what?!!!   I’m still writing!!! I’m writing even more…I’m writing even better and my writing is being shared in a way I never thought possible.

Make your mess your message and know that your joy should never be dependent upon your circumstances!!!!!