Apologies By: KB © 12.1.14

1 Corinthian 13: 1  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

Good Morning Readers,

I trust you're all revitalized and recharged. I survived the beginning of the holiday season and 5 days off; with a lot of prayer and a lot of redirection and much needed distractions.

Since we're kicking off the holiday season I'm going to talk about something that should take us into the new year....I hope to address a series of character defects to work on that will hopefully take us into 2015 as better people; today’s topic - apologies and right standing and the apologies that will never come.

 TV's NCIS fans should be familiar with Gibbs’ Rule Number 6: Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness. Maybe, just maybe this is why his character is a loner and a 3 time divorcee.

In Love Story Ali McGraw: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” 

Why do we give people a pass... maybe it's because we don't want to acknowledge our part in the foray or to acknowledge our own shortcomings....

Bottom line IMMATURITY is what keeps us stuck in old behaviors and view apologies a form of weakness. IMMATURITY is what tells you that an apology is a form of groveling. Sometimes demanding an apology from someone or offering an apology to someone taps into THEIR feelings of self worth and vulnerabilities. ... I'm going to attempt to elaborate on this concept for you by discussing the mindset of a batterer (yes...a batterer. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that immaturity will lead to battering but it will lead to dysfunctional communication) A batterer will lash out when something or someone disturbs their self-perception. So will a person who can't accept or offer an apology. When the situation arises they see themselves as weak or vulnerable and BAM!!! you're off to the races in an argument....sometimes it flashes like a grease fire!

The process of apologizing or accepting an apology unbalances our fragile sense of omnipotence. It means we have to face that we are human after all, and that means humbling yourself and owning up to our mistakes and setting them right.

If you’re unwilling and unyielding in apologizing, remind yourself of these two things:

1. Apologizing doesn't denote inferiority, unworthiness, or weakness. It doesn't mean you’re groveling. People who demand that you assume such a position don’t want an apology; they are asking for submission, and with that we’re in a different position.

2. An apology conveys a simple message that puts you in sync with your humanity and the injured party: An apology says, “ I see and I care about your well being”.