The foundation for any genuine, long-lasting relationship is
biblical love; this love is often confused with emotion. Love will bring about emotion
and emotional caring; love is important
and we all need to feel it because God has designed us way, . . . but true
biblical love is not and never should be based on emotion.
Biblical love is based on God's grace; His unmerited favor.
In other words, God in His own heart decided to that He wanted the very best of
us. He choose to care for us as Rom. 5:8, says "when we were still in our
sins." God choose to love us, not based upon some goodness or trait He
liked in us, but because He cared for
our well being and future. Thus, God's grace is an expression of his
will....to love us, because He choose to.
Any true lasting relationship must be based on grace.
God made us to need one another. When we fail in our
relationship and fail to exercise biblical grace and love one to another we
become lonely and loneliness is a terrible condition.
There is EMOTIONAL loneliness that occurs when we lose
connection with the true essence of grace. This is a loneliness that can occur
in the midst of a crowd. This is the most common type of loneliness. It occurs
when we feel we have no one to share our deepest concerns, no one who truly
understands our struggles or our joys.
I have often allowed the devil of emotional loneliness to
lead me to some really depressing situations with disastrous outcomes. The
solution to the problem of loneliness is friendship. All human beings are
designed with both a need and craving
for friendship. We need someone who will rejoice with us or cry with us,
someone who will comfort us when we crawl through valleys of despair or laugh
with us on the mountaintops of happiness.
We need someone who is an ever present companion through the
ins and outs of the daily grind, someone we can always count on. In fact,
friendships can be our most valuable possessions. The poet, Emily Dickenson,
wrote "My friends are my
estate."
Every human being needs friendships on two different levels.
We need HORIZONTAL (Earthly) friendships. We need deep meaningful
connections with other people. The proverb says, "A man that hath friends
must shew himself friendly." (Prov. 18:24)
In other words, we have to diligently work on building long
lasting and endearing friendships. Do you work on building friendships with
others or let it happen; go with the flow and then just walk away telling
ourselves that an individual was in our lives for a season?
True friendship can never be one sided. Too many of us, are looking for friends who will help them,
meet their need, be a friend to them, listen to their problems, be sympathetic
and love them. They are seeking a selfish friendship in which they receive
friendship....but often this is a one-sided affair. I know I am a good friend but I am often guilty of looking
for someone to validate me.
People do not often find the friends they want and remain
lonely and wonder why? The KEY is in this verse. To have friends we must show
ourselves to be friendly. Are your friendships one-sided? Can you look at your
shortcomings in the situation? To find true friends we must UNSELFISHLY give
ourselves to others.
Let me emphasize the that true friendship is not based on
getting, but giving. Many people, (me)
have a hard time finding true friendship
because they are looking for what someone can do for them. They want people to
love and care for them....and they fail because that is not the basis of true
friendship. True friendship is like God’s grace....and His love it is giving
unmerited favor to someone and first and foremost wanting to meet their need,
to help them, to comfort them.
In giving friendship
it is returned. The satisfaction of friendship...is in being a friend to
others. .
We need a VERTICAL friendship. The basis of any sound
lasting relationship begins with a relationship with our Creator and God. The
second part of our verse says, "There is a friend that sticketh
closer than a brother." That friend is Jesus Christ. Unless you have
a personal friendship with Jesus, you'll never escape loneliness. Exodus 33:11
says,
"And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man
speaketh unto his friend."
James 2:23 says, "And the scripture was fulfilled
which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for
righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God."
Jesus said to His disciples in John 15:15, "
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord
doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my
Father I have made known unto you."
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