Saturday, January 10, 2015

Business As Usual BY: KB © 1.10.15

You know, I've been giving this a lot of thought ...and I know that I have been guilty of the behavior I'm about to discuss; the title of this piece says it all.

I've been talking about compassion and empathy for a while, today is no different but I'm going to address how these traits are important.

I've often heard that "hurt people hurt people" there is no reason to be judgmental. Distancing ourselves from such people would seem to be a form of self preservation, but, if we do,  we should do so in love and with compassion. Compassion is defined as a "keen awareness of the suffering of another coupled with a desire to see it relieved." Hurt people hurt others as a result of their own inner demons and struggles. Avoid the pitfall of judgments, indicting the individual as bad; they have already internalized the thought and are acting accordingly. Who's to say they are bad people; they have been hurt, they are in pain and they deserve compassion.

Given the fact that hurt people hurt people you can expect them to lash out but the fact that they have been hurt does NOT give them a pass on apologizing! Most hurt people subscribe to  the classic movie quote  "Never apologize ... it's a sign of weakness." and they see it a just that weakness; it's the person's way of maintaining power.

However, taking the person's pain and hurt into consideration, I still have two personal pet peeves about these behaviors. I dislike the dynamic of the "ash out and shred" and then resume conversation as if the thing never happened  and the vague, half- apology in which the person says they are sorry for “what happened” or sorry for “the way things turned out” instead of sorry for “what I did” or sorry for “what I said”. 

Apologies are necessary for healing  BOTH SIDES of the slight

Proverbs 6:2-5 New International Version (NIV)
2 you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.
3 So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go—to the point of exhaustion—and give your neighbor no rest! 4 Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. 5 Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

Numbers 5:5-7 New International Version (NIV)
5 The Lord said to Moses, 6 “Say to the Israelites: ‘Any man or woman who wrongs another in any way[a] and so is unfaithful to the Lord is guilty 7 and must confess the sin they have committed. They must make full restitution for the wrong they have done, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the person they have wronged.

Can you acknowledge your wrongs? Do you have empathy and compassion for others? Do you apologize stating your wrongs? Do you owe anyone an apology?


How ya' livin'?!

No comments:

Post a Comment