You know, I've been giving this a lot of thought ...and I
know that I have been guilty of the behavior I'm about to discuss; the title of
this piece says it all.
I've been talking about compassion and empathy for a while,
today is no different but I'm going to address how these traits are important.
I've often heard that "hurt people hurt people" there
is no reason to be judgmental. Distancing ourselves from such people would seem
to be a form of self preservation, but, if we do, we should do so in love and with compassion.
Compassion is defined as a "keen awareness of the suffering of another
coupled with a desire to see it relieved." Hurt people hurt others as a
result of their own inner demons and struggles. Avoid the pitfall of judgments,
indicting the individual as bad; they have already internalized the thought and
are acting accordingly. Who's to say they are bad people; they have been hurt,
they are in pain and they deserve compassion.
Given the fact that hurt people hurt people you can expect
them to lash out but the fact that they have been hurt does NOT give them a
pass on apologizing! Most hurt people subscribe to the classic movie quote "Never apologize ... it's
a sign of weakness." and they see it a just that weakness; it's the person's
way of maintaining power.
However, taking the person's pain and hurt into
consideration, I still have two personal pet peeves about these behaviors. I
dislike the dynamic of the "ash out and shred" and then resume
conversation as if the thing never happened
and the vague, half- apology in which the person says they are sorry for
“what happened” or sorry for “the way things turned out” instead of sorry for
“what I did” or sorry for “what I said”.
Apologies are necessary for healing BOTH SIDES of the slight
Proverbs 6:2-5 New International Version (NIV)
2 you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by
the words of your mouth.
3 So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go—to the point of exhaustion—and give your neighbor no rest! 4 Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. 5 Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.
3 So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go—to the point of exhaustion—and give your neighbor no rest! 4 Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. 5 Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.
Numbers 5:5-7 New International Version (NIV)
5 The Lord said to Moses, 6 “Say to
the Israelites: ‘Any man or woman who wrongs another in any way[a] and so
is unfaithful to the Lord is guilty 7 and must confess the
sin they have committed. They must make full restitution for the wrong
they have done, add a fifth of the value to it and give it all to the person
they have wronged.
Can you acknowledge your wrongs? Do you have empathy and
compassion for others? Do you apologize stating your wrongs? Do you owe anyone
an apology?
How ya' livin'?!
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