Sunday, October 25, 2015

I’M NOT BLIND, NOR AM I DEAF….I’ve seen and heard it all KB: 10.25.15

Just a share of what I had to overcome to get to the tough as nails fighter, don’t give a damn, tell it like it is person… that I am

Recent conversations flooded my brain with crazy bad memories and lies my father told me…WWII was 1939- 1945  (beginning when Germany invades Poland) My father was born in 1937…he somehow manages to defy time to be a Paratrooper in Germany with a German wife….and got seriously pissed to the point of wanting to hit me because I knew the historic timeline. The so called wife was a picture he cut out of my mother’s yearbook.

My father always traveled with a pack of sleazy brothers who would only come to our house to drink his liquor and try to talk really slick and slimy to my mom. Then my father would have the nerve to go all crazy violent with my mother and never said anything to the sleazy muthas he brought to the house

My father also had his artist phase were he walked around wearing a beret…telling people that he spoke French. He even gave himself the middle name Maurice….he never had a middle name. I spoke French, I was pretty good at it thanks to a high school teacher…he, however didn’t have a clue.
My father attended college off and on to compete with various people in his life…when in reality his reading, writing and comprehension level was a strong indication of why he opted for a military outlet

My father would often brag on his contributions to my well being and education when in reality he didn’t do a damn thing in any way, shape or form. He lived in the house for my entire childhood and never paid rent or bought groceries…if he bought food it was for him only! He never bought a school supply or school clothes


There are NO FOND memories!!! I did not like or respect the man…I feared him and at some point the fear dissipated and I constantly challenged him (if you beat something long enough it will either cower and die or it will turn on you….I had just enough steel in my character to fight….I am not afraid to take a beating fighting for what I believe in)  but I look at the experiences like this….there are people in your life who you want to emulate and there are those who show you how not to proceed in life. 

I have a lot of kids in my life and I try to be a strong presence and a positive role model. I won’t co-sign something because it’s what someone wants to hear…I’m going to tell these kids they screwed up but I am going to love and support them through it. I’m not going to love with terms and conditions and mete out or withhold love out like a system of reward and punishments

Shout out to all my friends who have lost mothers or fathers as a result of domestic violence....I know the trauma of seeing someone you love brutalized and I know your struggle to be in a "normal/stable" relationships with anyone...we had few examples
Shout all to all the aunties and uncles who stepped up and stood in the gap in service and prayer

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