Don’t Read This If You’re Sensitive….Cause I’m About To Tell It Like It T-I Tis BY : KB 10 28 15

Eryka Badu starts off one of her songs with” now keep in mind that I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit…” With that in mind allow me to do what I do…

Now keep in mind that I’m a lesbian and I’m serious about my sisters….and I would be remiss if I didn’t take the time to school you on a few things…

First, and foremost please haul off and slap any woman who start spouting and touting this pseudo-feminist bullshit. You know the young sisters who will tell you without hesitation that Beyonce is a feminist and will then start talking about power, money and other material shit that doesn’t matter. 

Beyonce is no damn feminist!!!! Yes, she has power and clout but she has set women so far back in the fight for equality….Beyonce has allowed herself to be objectified and racialized as a “Masters’ fantasy. Yes, there’s power in the punanny , men and women came through it and have been trying to get back in it since the beginning of time, but it’s an empty victory because men and woman will then be on the prowl /hunt for something more exciting.  The power of the “nanny” should be used in such a way where whoever you’re with knows that there is nothing better…how do you achieve this? You achieve it by respecting the sanctity and sacredness of your yoni (look it up) and treating it with as a sacred gift.

Gloria Steinem’s definition of feminism is : feminism simply means complete social and economic equality between men and women -- not man-hating, angry women, as pop culture often makes feminists out to be. Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique also subscribed to and opened America’s eyes to the idea of equal rights….now for as powerful as these women were in the fight…I have to ask where are the Black women? Have we been once again whitewashed from the history? Our fight is somewhat different but I see or hear no references to them. No disrespect to the Jewish sisters who fought the good fight but you lost some credibility in my eyes because of the exclusion…once again we see that “we the people” means white people.

Now, let me shift gears a bit and address some of the misguided youngsters who idolize Nicki Minaj and Beyonce….you guys have confused materialism with power and respect….and if you have spent any time really listening to true hustlers and folks on the grind you would know that all money ain’t good money! You also fail to realize that you embrace yet another stereotype that is meant to shame and degrade you and you try to normalize the bullshit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a young sister say  “…but I’m a good one” after some joker has called her a bitch. That’s the same mentality that young brothers use when they try to convince you that they have embraced the N word because they have the power and control of how it’s used….you forget that no matter how many ways YOU use it that people have be hurt beyond measure because of it. You forget that folks have died for your right to be treated as kings and queens yet you still co-sign the ignorance by using the words on one another and the person that’s trying to keep you oppressed is gaining capital in your ignorance. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard mother’s tell their daughters “don’t let no man lay up in your house without payin’ for something.” Mama…did you really mean to give your daughter the message to whore herself out? How did you forget the sanctity of the Yoni? Are you removed from your own hurt and pain that you’re normalizing the bullshit by telling your child that she can and should endure the same degradation as long as she is being paid?

Now for you sisters who embrace the words bitch and ho like it’s on your birth certificate, y’all scare me. I know you’re none of these things but y’all have gotten to comfortable suiting up in uniform and playing for the home team. You have substituted rudeness for power and you’ve come to believe that the material things you amass somehow define your character. You’ve become so shallow and insecure that you take great pleasure in tearing down other sisters or you’re only friends with them because their fragility makes you look better.

Oh my sisters….we have been miseducated to the point of believing that individuality means to squash our sisters. We have been sold a W.A.S.P principle that does not fit our cultural sensibilities…we are from villages, tribes, counties and hamlets that thrive because of the sense of community……get back to loving you, loving your people and loving your community

How Ya livin’?

I’M NOT BLIND, NOR AM I DEAF….I’ve seen and heard it all KB: 10.25.15

Just a share of what I had to overcome to get to the tough as nails fighter, don’t give a damn, tell it like it is person… that I am

Recent conversations flooded my brain with crazy bad memories and lies my father told me…WWII was 1939- 1945  (beginning when Germany invades Poland) My father was born in 1937…he somehow manages to defy time to be a Paratrooper in Germany with a German wife….and got seriously pissed to the point of wanting to hit me because I knew the historic timeline. The so called wife was a picture he cut out of my mother’s yearbook.

My father always traveled with a pack of sleazy brothers who would only come to our house to drink his liquor and try to talk really slick and slimy to my mom. Then my father would have the nerve to go all crazy violent with my mother and never said anything to the sleazy muthas he brought to the house

My father also had his artist phase were he walked around wearing a beret…telling people that he spoke French. He even gave himself the middle name Maurice….he never had a middle name. I spoke French, I was pretty good at it thanks to a high school teacher…he, however didn’t have a clue.

My father attended college off and on to compete with various people in his life…when in reality his reading, writing and comprehension level was a strong indication of why he opted for a military outlet

My father would often brag on his contributions to my well being and education when in reality he didn’t do a damn thing in any way, shape or form. He lived in the house for my entire childhood and never paid rent or bought groceries…if he bought food it was for him only! He never bought a school supply or school clothes

There are NO FOND memories!!! I did not like or respect the man…I feared him and at some point the fear dissipated and I constantly challenged him (if you beat something long enough it will either cower and die or it will turn on you….I had just enough steel in my character to fight….I am not afraid to take a beating fighting for what I believe in)  but I look at the experiences like this….there are people in your life who you want to emulate and there are those who show you how not to proceed in life. 

I have a lot of kids in my life and I try to be a strong presence and a positive role model. I won’t co-sign something because it’s what someone wants to hear…I’m going to tell these kids they screwed up but I am going to love and support them through it. I’m not going to love with terms and conditions and mete out or withhold love out like a system of reward and punishments

Shout out to all my friends who have lost mothers or fathers as a result of domestic violence....I know the trauma of seeing someone you love brutalized and I know your struggle to be in a "normal/stable" relationships with anyone...we had few examples

Shout all to all the aunties and uncles who stepped up and stood in the gap in service and prayer

If I Have Not Love BY:KB 10 25 15

What can I say? I had a make or break moment yesterday where all my humanity (humanness/flesh) came against all my faith. The struggle is real y’all….I had a Jacob moment where I had to wrestle with something until it blessed me and the scary thing is that I had to rely totally on the Holy Spirit to guide me in a matter of seconds. I did so knowing that how I responded would and could dramatically change lives. I just want to take a second to thank God for discernment.

The words of 1 Corinthians 13 just popped into my spirit this morning..not the entire passage but the words “if I have not love…” Sometimes in life you have to look long and hard at the word love and fully understand ALL the definitions, terms and conditions of the word.

I had to personally question how much hypocrisy would be acceptable for me; hypocrisy, the very thing that I rail against on a regular basis and here it is front and center in my life.

It’s me, it’s me, it’s me oh Lord

Got 99 Problems But My Dad Ain’t 1 KB 10.24.15

Wow!!!!  My uncle, who I have not seen or spoken to in 37 years just reached out to me on Facebook. We have not spoken due to fractured family relationships….but I have no beef with him…he has always been beyond cool with me. He would come by and say hello and hang out with us despite my father’s and his father’s insanity and dysfunction.

My back and forth conversation with him brought back some very vivid memories and also highlighted the fact that no matter what I’ve done and what I’ve become in life my father would find fault with all of it. It was hard enough being an honors student and a recruited athlete…he always found a way to attach an exception to all my laurels. The thing that would really bring forth venom and bile is the fact that I’m openly gay, living out loud and proud.

I was once asked by an arm-chair psychiatrist (you know, that person that can quote self-help rhetoric) like it’s a mantra.) if I  believe I was gay because I have “daddy issue”?  I gave the question all the time it deserved maybe 2 seconds , 1 second, too long….before I responded. I have known I was different since the age of about 5…I just didn’t know what to call it. When I did know there was a word for it…the word that the adults around me used were never positive or affirming  (faggot, funny, punk, sissy, dyke and bulldagger) so I learned to lie and cover up who I was …up until about the age 25.

I do own up to having “daddy issues” and after I list them…you can tell me if my issues are valid. My father was a brutal man that confused masculinity and power with abuse –mental, verbal and physical. He often entertained himself by pitting my brother against me in some sort of sick gladiator play. My father was a serial philanderer who had women come to our home to openly question and challenge my mother like she did something wrong. My father would often take me to his various girlfriend’s homes under the guise of doing fatherly outings. Then I would be groomed and brainwashed not to say anything. My father’s idea of an outing would be to supply me with quarters to shoot pool or play the jukebox at his local watering hole – I was pretty much raised in a bar. My father pretty much sponged and stole money from my mother up until the age of 34 when he decided to work full-time but when he did work he did not pay rent or buy groceries…his money was his money. My father was a man of extraordinary cruelty, he often exacted that cruelty out on physically abusing my mother. My mom would sometimes have to miss work because of the brutality….keep in mind that she was the sole means of support for 3 children and he did not care. My father would come in the house , cook and eat a steak after we would only have rice for dinner (my mom often not eating at all)….my father would offer us his gravy like we were starving dogs that he felt sorry for….not sorry enough to give up the steak mind you. My father sold my mother’s house after she left his for all the stated reasons – she purchased that house with her inheritance money from her parent’s death. The list goes on but you get the gist….so yeah I do have daddy issues but my sexuality was shaped and founded long before I knew what daddy issues were.

Welcome back Uncle and here’s hoping to healing a broken family.

I’m A Soldier By: KB 10 20 15

Matthew 6: 14 – 15     14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25     25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

Ephesians 4:32   Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Matthew 6:15  But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Proverbs 10:12      Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Oh, I think we have a few things twisted….it wouldn’t be the first time. I challenge you to look up every possible scripture on forgiveness and tell me where it states to for you to forget….

The majority of the word tells us to forgive but it also takes in mind who we are as sentient beings knowing it is not in our nature to forget…

Why is it that we have come to believe that we should forget? If you break a bone (bond) do you not favor it until your heart and mind get on one accord and you KNOW that your fracture is healed? KNOW being the operative word….you know when the limb begins to resume “normal” functioning and strength.

I say this because people of color have been taught to forgive and forget as a way to become complicit in their own demise. Forgive and forget the atrocities because we were taught that our anger was against what God wanted and we dare not offend God….

Now don’t get me wrong…hatred for my fellow man is totally out of line. I do not harbor hate or ill will for anyone but I won’t forget either. If I forget then I give permission to my own harm. The word does not render you an ill-equipped amnesiac to blindly follow whoever has the ability to speak the words that appeal to you….the word prepares you to be a mentally and emotionally armed soldier of/for social justice.

How ya livin’?  

Loving You……….. By : KB 10.15.15

It’s not you, it’s me……….oh how we hate that detachment line.  Please allow me to elucidate, illuminate and pontificate (sorry I don’t know it I was possessed by Don King, Jesse Jackson or Johnny Cochran)  ….let me  explain the reality of that and the flip version “it’s not me it’s you”

People we have to stop looking at those lines as a negative. I’ve heard both and in my immaturity I would often get angry or depressed at the prospects of what next or I’ve been dumped….but then I learned to put all that bull---t and baggage in perspective.

It’s not me, it’s you” : To this I say thank you….I may have needed help to see that we are incompatible and my stubborn pride is keeping me locked in something that is toxic and will eventually kill me.

To this I say thank you because I failed to see some character defects in me that made someone so wrong for me become appealing. 

To this I say thank you because I have to examine all the ways that I failed to love and nurture myself.

Reality : you can put your left shoe on you right foot and walk but you will never be comfortable and you will never work the “shoe” to its fullest potential.

“it’s not you, it’s me”

Absolutely it’s me. I’ve learned to stop trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

Absolutely it’s me. I’ve learned not to prolong or feed into dysfunction.

Absolutely it’s me. I know my purpose and power tripping, mental castration, life draining negativity and verbal abuse are not foundation building materials.

Absolutely it’s me…purpose and determination comes in knowing that love is reciprocal; it ebbs and flows and you must know when to lead and when to follow.

Absolutely it’s me….purpose comes when you refuse to accept rudeness for strength and power.

Absolutely it’s me….when you learn to recognize that someone who attempts to control resources is abusive….(give me my keys, I make more money so I get to say how it’s spent, get out of my car…sound familiar?)

Fall in love with you!!!!

How ya livin'?

Journey Back To Me……. BY:KB 10.13.15

Sometimes in life you just have to learn things the hard way……both my grandma and my parents used to constantly tell me “A hard head makes for a soft ass.”  The older I get the more and more this becomes true…..I get hung up on my chronological status and assume that people know things, should know things , I know more than I know or I assume things and then justify my actions all the while knowing that what I am saying or doing is going to plant its foot firmly in my a**.

This has been abundantly clear in the majority of my “situationships”, not relationships, mind you……I say situationships because I have come to realize that I am working on all cylinders desperately trying not to reenact the dysfunction of my parents dynamics and past missteps thereby creating my own funky pattern of repetition.  The real trouble is that I usually connect with someone who is doing the exact same thing but is better at disguising the behavior. When I come out of the newness and the euphoria and realize that I’m in the pattern I usually over correct and the person that I’ve attached myself to realizes that that they have also been exposed….resulting in epic implosion.

I’ve taken some time to learning me and what I truly need and want in life….not saying I won’t stumble from time to time but I’ll bet my last dollar that you won’t find me in a “situationship” settling and compromising with nothing in the way of reciprocity.

Are you stuck in a pattern of behavior?  Do you know yourself well enough to break the dysfunctional behavior? Are you willing to do the self work? It can be an arduous task.....may I suggest you take a look at the AA/NA step 4.......don't kid yourself baby, we're all in recovery from something!

How ya livin'?

Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down…………. BY: KB 10 9 15

The title is a line taken from an old hip hop song by Brand Nubian….it seems to befit my topic of conversation this morning….indulge me if you will.

My NY state of mind and my proud Black ancestry taught me how to deal with racism. Yeah, there are a few select individuals that push for the well-deserved old school, hella –gully, NY ass whoopin’ but when you dole it out you’ve essentially given the racist more ammo and possibly opened yourself up to criminal charges. 

Let me get to the point of my title choice and then tie it in with my opening statement and hopefully school you on a few things. There are so many of us that get all geared up and go into war ill-equipped to deal with an entity that holds a position of power; hence the title. There are too many people in the battle driven by passion. You cannot fight every battle. Not that passion is a bad thing but it must be guided (let’s just say that the passionate people are infantry) There must be military intelligence to understand the enemy and to develop a strategy to deal with them…let your brain be the Commanding Officer. The only effective way to deal with a racist is to kill them with intellect (racism is rooted in ignorance and irrational fear)

Now here is what is really funny….think about all the old black and white movies on celluloid. The majority of racial films tended to depict people of color as either sassy or ignorant; totally antagonistic to the “power” which caused them great distress. A stereotype perpetuated to present day. What a beautiful tool to utilize; the racist power structure gave away their position! Indifference and apathy toward them irritates them (because not only do they we should care about them and all their privilege… they are driven by their narcissism.)  Are you starting to see the movie history in a modern day context? Let your intellect be the Nemesis to Narcissus.

We’ll stop feeding their cause when we get out “ish” together. This means working as a collective and cohesive unit – we may not agree on everything but the majority of cultures of color are rooted in collective thinking and a cooperative effort for advancement…so why have we abandoned this thinking?

Stop raging and bloodying your knuckles and start using your intellect…..in the words of Parliament Funkadelic  “free your mind and your ass will follow”

How ya livin’ ?

What Did You Call Me?!!!! BY: KB 10 8 15

I’m tired of hearing cliché’s and other subtle delusions to justify “craptacular” rude, inconsiderate and just flat out selfish behaviors.

I saw this week memes  - hurt people hurt people…yeah well that may be true but when do we stop allowing the hurt? When do we redirect the person to get help, not yell at them and try to micromanage their lives for them (if that’s the case then you need to look at why are you friends with kids); and when do we determine that we love them enough to leave them the hell alone because we love to maintain our health and emotional well-being? At what point do we stop playing victims and embracing the fact that we are volunteers? I’ll tell you when!  We gain insight into our irrational thinking the moment that we realize that our own lives have become unmanageable. That’s right good ol’ Step 1 (you don’t have to be an addict to work the Steps….we are ALL in recovery from something.)

Many of us are raging dry drunks…Dry drunk is a slang expression infamously known in the sober community. It describes a person who no longer drinks or abuses drugs, but continues to behave in dysfunctional ways.  Poor me….what about me?....It’s really not all about you Boo! When those questions come out of your mouth you’re seeking to have some kind of emotional need met and you’re looking to someone to rescue you….however it is all about you in that you need to get back to the Steps

Our irrational responses to certain situations are a direct result of not addressing character defects and revisiting old scenarios and playing them out with new personnel. We’re using beta-max and laser disks coping skills in a Blu-ray world. Our emotional mixed tapes are trying to compete with our mp 3 present.

I read this in one of my devotionals this morning:

I had been driving for almost half an hour when my daughter suddenly wailed from the backseat. When I asked, “What happened?” she said her brother had grabbed her arm. He claimed he had grabbed her arm because she had pinched him. She said she pinched him because he had said something mean.

Unfortunately, this pattern, which is common between children, can show up in adult relationships too. One person offends another, and the hurt person shoots back a verbal blow. The original offender retaliates with another insult. Before long, anger and cruel words have damaged the relationship.

The Bible says that “the words of the reckless pierce like swords,” and that “a harsh word stirs up anger” but “a gentle answer turns away wrath” (Prov. 12:18; 15:1). And sometimes not answering at all is the best way to deal with mean or cruel words or comments.

Before Jesus’ crucifixion, the religious authorities tried to provoke Him with their words (Matt. 27:41-43). Yet, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate . . . . Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).

Jesus’ example and the Spirit’s help offer us a way to respond to people who offend us. Trusting the Lord, we don’t need to use words as weapons.

When we trust the Lord, we don't need to use words as weapons.  We don’t have to have over the top emotional responses. We learn to tame our fears and temper our words

Where are you unmanageable?

How ya livin’?

Lonely Is A F’d Up Tour Guide BY: KB October 1, 2015

Now, as some of you may know I am big on self-examination and personal inventory for alteration; with that being said let me share some personal observations regarding my life….

I have allowed lonely to take me into some “areas” where I should not be. I struggle with the demarcation of alone and lonely; let re reiterate lonely has taken me to some very grueling and emotionally desolate places. Lonely has placed me in relationship where I feel bad about myself and it these relationships I’ve learned that lonely has garage level depths.  Lonely has often given me the “brilliance of a mad scientist…coming up with ideas and projects that can never be completed because the muse was taken at gunpoint and held hostage by lonely.  Lonely has provided me with some epic craptacular hairstyles…note to self: I don’t care how good your flexibility is and you mirrors are,  you cannot effectively cut the back of your own head!

I have not completely developed a way to ignore the lonely and be content with her wiser sister alone but, l have learned to subdue lonely and not immediately act on her prompts.

Check Your Privilege October 1, 2015

I just witnessed a very subtle act of bigotry (I can’t say racism but I’m sure it played a part in what went down), disrespect and lack of human decency.

I’m the 3^rd person in line at the supermarket, there’s a white dude in front of me and before him there’s a homeless black man in line. The black man was buying  (1) doughnut. He swipes his EBT card it was declined. The cashier, another man, who appeared to be Asian began heaving sigh and rolling his eyes for the benefit of the white dude. The homeless man tries his EBT card again and again it was declined. So the cashier announces 79 cents and again began giving the side eye to the white dude and begins to look exasperated. The homeless man is digging through his pockets and comes up with 50 cents; the man asked the white guy for a quarter and the man says he hasn’t got it. Finally, I can’t stand looking at what is unfolding and I told the man I’d pay for his doughnut. He thanked me and then went to the ATM to see why his card wasn’t working.

The white dude that was in line paid for his flavored water and then got 60 bucks cash back….he couldn’t spare a quarter mind you!

The cashier…took the homeless guy’s 50 cents but he charged me for the full 79 cents for the doughnut.

Ism’s and privilege are so pervasive that people don’t give it a second thought and everyone suffers in the exchange