KEEPING IT REAL WITH ME BY:KB 10.21.16

It seems like it has been forever since I’ve written anything of substance; you know the kind of writing that makes you pause and do a bit of self-examination…asking “Do I really do that? Or Did they really think they needed to tell me that?” this piece fall under the latter question.

First let me say, I love my family dearly but, yes, there is a but, they get on my last good nerve with the petty things that triggers anger and inane arguments and constant bickering. The real kicker for me is that most of the arguments are usually wrapped in or justified by a vague connection to scripture…like it somehow excuses or justifies the position of judgment. I realize that my verbalizing and writing the statement assumes a position of judgment but I just had to put it out there because I am at an age and stage in my life where merry-go-rounds make me dizzy and nauseous; I’m getting off the ride…say what you will about me!

Now, some of y’all know me…saying tis to say, I’m not a deep and mysterious person. I’m very straight forward maybe to the point of being too blunt at times. The things that garner my wrath are blatant disrespect, bullying, sexism, fundamentalism, racist and bigoted bullshit! It’s just that simple. Please note I will call you out on it and hold you accountable.

Now, I’m getting to the point of my conversation. My family somehow believes that I could not manage to get to the ripe old age of 55 without their advice both solicited and unsolicited. Please note I left my mother’s eye when I was 25, so, 30 years. Now mind you, she left my father when I was 16 because of domestic violence and I lived without her for about 18 months. To this day she is still finding out some of the things I did as a child thanks to loose lipped siblings. My sister left home at age 18 and didn’t return to the state until about age 23 or 24 so we had a period of separation as well. So, they really don’t know the majority of my life’s experiences and I don’t share a lot of them because they are mine and part of my development and lessons to learn. My mom and my sister are relentless in giving advice and at times it just sound like admonishments…and I always find myself thinking they don’t know half the shit I had to wade through to get to where I am today and I’m ok with me…what they do know is that I can and will back them off of me and go on my own for a good long time when I’ve reached my maximum saturation point. They do know that I have the will of a pit bull and at times I have to show them because they seem to be deaf when I try to tell them.

Wrapping this all up…I love both these women dearly but they have to recognize and embrace the fact that I am NOT them and we share the same DNA but not the same take of life experiences and lessons. I’m not going to take a passive position in any parts of my life….

The same way I embrace my blessing is the same way I embrace the consequences for my misbehavior!

OUT LOUD and OUT PROUD BY: KB 10.14.16

I was discussing the subject of homosexuality with someone the other day; as a matter of fact I’ve been having this conversation with a number of people, all of whom have different circumstances and reasons to engage me in the conversation, over the past couple of days. Whatever the reason I welcome the dialogue because it’s an ever evolving conversation that NEEDS to happen.

After a bit of introduction some people knew right out that I identify as “butch lesbian” for those folks who don’t have vision or demand labels; you know like the superfluous warning labels that are supposed to stop or at least slow idiots down…yeah, those labels.

My coming out story is pretty much unremarkable…I didn’t have people turn against me. I wasn’t majorly ostracized, there was no family division, a lot of ignorant comments from time to time but I can hold my own verbally and physically if need be… it was my own mental and emotional division. I was my own enemy.

I had to come to terms with the fact that not only had I received a very thorough brainwashing related to my Blackness and my being female but I was also fighting the fact that I was taught that my loving was going to be the reason that I would not enter into heaven…think about that for a minute. You are taught from a very early age that God is about love…for God so love the world; faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love….. so, here I am loving and now I’m being I’m told I’m going  to hell because of  who I love. I’m hearing all sorts of hateful and bigoted things coming directly from the pulpits. Mind you I’m just coming into my sexuality at the height of the AIDS epidemic. Imagine the pain, hate and shame many people had heaped upon them as they lie dying. Think about all the choir members and choir directors…who church folks were “cool” with as long as they kept their mouths closed to appease. Think about how they passed on in doubt and self-loathing.

Right then and there I knew that I had to represent; I had to be counted in my community because it was so stilted and bigoted. I had to find a Bible preaching and teaching church…not the gospel according to interpretation. I had to find someone who knew that love is love is love! I had to find something or someone who challenge me to read and know this for myself.  I know far too many people who are trying to reconcile their faith with their sexuality…I remember one sister watching my struggle and she put it very clearly to me…in saying that “my sexuality is part of who I am…it’s along for the ride”  after hearing that I just stopped trying to be “Wonder Dyke” with a message for the masses and started being myself, working out my salvation with respect and reverence. I’ve been just me ever since….

I live out loud and out proud for the other folks who were and are like me. I live my life out loud and out proud for the millions of kids who are taught to hate themselves seeing suicide as the only option. I live my life out loud and out proud because the world need to see there’s nothing second rate or second class about me….I have the same wants, needs and have the same dreams. I love my life out loud and out proud because I need the world to know that I am not a stalker, a pedophile or a man hater as depicted by mainstream culture. I live out loud and out proud because I am content to be just me!

Cooley High BY: KB 10.5.16

Some of y’all are going to be upset with me on this one ….but if you’re reading this you already know me well enough to know how I roll. I keep it real, raw and 100%. If you think I’m hard on you just imagine what it’s like to be me and the standards I set for myself.

I posted a pic on Facebook yesterday that stated “I don’t fail, I simply discover what doesn’t work…”

I was once described as “the most self-assured lovingly annoying person” that this individual has ever met… I liked that description…

 

OK getting to my point…what is it about death, I recently heard about the “transitioning of someone” What is it about death that takes us to a place of “Cooley High” memories? For me, it ain’t hard to say good bye to yesterday if yesterday was a FUBAR (look it up..if I write it out it will take away from the message) For me, as in all things I look at changes and transitions as an opportunity to work STEP 4 – I’m not an addict but I’ve been a counselor long enough to know that everyone, EVERYONE! Is in recovery from something.

Now, I’m never going to be one to wax nostalgic and romanticize some bullshit (had to say it) even though the person is gone…sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and the folks who are mourning is to keep your mouth shut and let them go through their process. Real talk if you were jacked up in life…and you did some things that’s between you and God to work out…I do believe that if you were “in Christ” that you will be transformed but I can only deal with my reality in the here and now. My memories are of you jacked up! I can hope and wish better for you in my journeys but bottom line is the memories are of you jacked up! Death does not magically erase pain, hurt and harm…it just let’s you know that the person can’t do it again…you can’t put toothpaste back in a tube…it’s still useful but the process has been changed….you get where I’m going?  

In other words stop romanticizing and use the opportunity to do some self-examination on you “get down”

WHAT IS YOUR LEGACY?!!!!

Aware BY: KB 9.26.16

Blessed are those who mourn….I have been ruminating over this scripture for a few days now. In my deep thought I’ve been asking myself exactly when is the last time I truly felt my heart break over something or someone that has gone against God? Do I mourn things that grieve the Holy Spirit..and you know I had to answer no!

I get so self-absorbed and caught up that I don’t pay attention until that something becomes something big, a Goliath, if you will allow me the analogy; I notice the someone when they are already in the stages of chastisement or affliction.

I often missed the opportunity to teach and correct or to be a comfort because I’m all off in my stuff-mostly self-induced crises because I allow my anxiety (the deceiver) to help me “problem solve”.

I need to be more aware of me as I relate to people and most importantly how I relate to God

Taming My Thoughts BY: KB 9.18.16

2 Corinthians 10:5    We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

We should be aware of our weaknesses and frailties, walking, talking and acting in humility, even when being criticized. Ministry work makes you more susceptible to spiritual warfare with spiritual enemies. Strong arming and browbeating are not the methods of the gospel, but rather utilizing strong persuasions and words in conjunction with your actions, by the power of truth in humility will go a long way.  Our conscience is accountable to God only; and people must be committed to God and their duty, not driven by force. The weapons of spiritual warfare are very powerful; the evidence of truth is convincing: think about it in everyday examples the addict that sees no value in quitting, the thief that is convinced that he/she is not hurting anyone or the crooked politician that curries favor for capital gain. What opposition can come against the gospel?  The powers of sin and Satan in the hearts of men can oppose  but there is no power in the opposition. Once you commit to Christ your growth and power will become immeasurable

A Servants Heart BY: KB 9.17.16

Luke 22:27     For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

Every day we are bombarded with messages to be first, the biggest, the best with ambition and acquisition overruling aptitude; these standards are in direct opposition and cause conflict to the character of a believer. Christ, who assumed a servants role, and humbled himself to a common death of the cross with thieves!

When we identify and join ourselves to Christ, we must expect to at one time or another come under spiritual attack to be assaulted and shaken by Satan. If he cannot destroy, using us against ourselves, he will try to disgrace or distress us. Cockiness and hubris will most certainly lead to a spiritual downfall.; unless we watch and pray , we can easily fall in to behaviors and routines that move them further from Christ.  Believers left to themselves and their own understanding would most likely fall; but they are kept by the power of God, and the prayer of Christ.

Are you willing to serve? Not like a benevolent benefactor writing a check and claiming a tax deduction…are you willing to roll up your sleeve and drop all your “ism” truly connecting to and identifying with the people you serve?

The Stud BY: KB

"There’s a dead elephant in the room!”  We all acknowledge its presence, we know it's there — and we tread lightly around it, afraid to make eye contact because the medusa may turn us into stone…yet, we have already become stone because we are afraid to address the subject head on.  Acknowledging the existence of the elephant would throw off the delicate system of denial that we have built. Acknowledging would recognize the fact that the elephant is feeding and growing stronger on our avoidance. We should look, not like our collective gazes drawn to a car wreck or a horrific sight but look with inquiry in hopes to have conversation about the existence of the elephant and where the elephant fits in the scheme of things.  When we draw our gaze to the elephant and opt to look at the hide, we see that the hide carries the scars of racial strife, systemic homophobia from within and outside its community.

Black lesbians have a struggle equivalent to that of the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s in that they are striving to find their place and voice, both as women of color and as lesbians.

While Black sisters don't like to hear this, I would have to say that all Black women are lesbians because we were raised in the remnants of a basically matriarchal society no matter how oppressed we may have been by patriarchy. We're all dykes, including our mommas. Let's really start getting past the shibboleths and taboos. They don't really matter. Being able to recognize that the function of poetry or any art is to ennoble and empower us in a way that's not separate from our living, that belief is African in origin.
Hammond, Karla. "An Interview with Audre Lorde." American Poetry Review March/April 1980: 18-21.

"Lesbian Studs". These are masculine lesbian women who date Feminine “Femme” women exclusively. "Stud" connotes macho breeders on slave plantations, infidelity, playboys, and hyper masculinity. I need no studs in my life.

What does it mean to be a STUD? For me – I rarely use the term Stud (only when talking to someone who uses the term)  I describe myself as butch identified; in that I subscribe to a dominant “male role  in hetero relationships”. It may be argued that I am role playing but I can state without hesitation that this is not the case. I am and have been socialized male.  In using the word “socialized” I am stating that my thought process and actions are that considered inherently male; whereas, I acknowledge and accept that I am living in a female body with female functions I am constantly at odds with the body. I do not and never get excited about Victoria’s Secret, shopping, make up, dolls and the likes. I love sports, tools, power cars, techno-gadgets and fine women and I can remember always being this way; memories dating as far back as the age of 5. I am the middle child raised in a single parent household; my role was that of “de-facto” man of the house  (never stated but implied by requests) – even though I had an older brother . I was deemed the responsible one. I was handy – called on to do minor repairs and assembly.  My mother had a quiet acceptance of me (she understood that I was “different” and like any parent she feared for my future but I know she allowed/ and often created a space for me to blossom)
I was blessed with the fortitude to stand firm in the knowledge of who I am; a difficult task when …society, religious conviction (of my parents, my peers, my community) put an enormous amount of pressure on me to conform. When did it become the norm to live a lie or to live a dichotomous life in order to please others?  When did love become a thing to challenge or question because “yours doesn’t look like mine?”  
I truly get angry when I hear people say (albeit said in ignorance) that homosexuality is a choice….my question to them is who in the hell would choose a life that opens them up to ridicule, scorn, indiscriminate application of laws and systematic denial of basic human rights? What heterosexual is a target for violence simply by holding hands or sharing an intimate kiss? Why is it when a person openly states that they are gay that thoughts immediately go to their bedrooms? – if John Q states he’s dating Jane Doe the worlds a wonderful place but no one asks about their sex life! Why is that?  Isn’t it time that we stop acting like lemmings and become human beings capable of conversing, accepting or agreeing to disagree without judgment or castigation?

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. -The Declaration of Independence

I'm a supporter of gay rights.  And not a closet supporter either.  From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community.  There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant.  ~Paul Newman

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?  ~Ernest Gaines

Everybody's journey is individual.  If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy.  The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.  ~James Baldwin

Who would give a law to lovers?  Love is unto itself a higher law.  ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Martin Luther King Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963