I was discussing the subject of homosexuality with someone
the other day; as a matter of fact I’ve been having this conversation with a
number of people, all of whom have different circumstances and reasons to
engage me in the conversation, over the past couple of days. Whatever the
reason I welcome the dialogue because it’s an ever evolving conversation that
NEEDS to happen.
After a bit of introduction some people knew right out that
I identify as “butch lesbian” for those folks who don’t have vision or demand
labels; you know like the superfluous warning labels that are supposed to stop
or at least slow idiots down…yeah, those labels.
My coming out story is pretty much unremarkable…I didn’t
have people turn against me. I wasn’t majorly ostracized, there was no family
division, a lot of ignorant comments from time to time but I can hold my own
verbally and physically if need be… it was my own mental and emotional
division. I was my own enemy.
I had to come to terms with the fact that not only had I
received a very thorough brainwashing related to my Blackness and my being female
but I was also fighting the fact that I was taught that my loving was going to
be the reason that I would not enter into heaven…think about that for a minute.
You are taught from a very early age that God is about love…for God so love the
world; faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love….. so, here I am
loving and now I’m being I’m told I’m going
to hell because of who I love. I’m
hearing all sorts of hateful and bigoted things coming directly from the
pulpits. Mind you I’m just coming into my sexuality at the height of the AIDS
epidemic. Imagine the pain, hate and shame many people had heaped upon them as
they lie dying. Think about all the choir members and choir directors…who church
folks were “cool” with as long as they kept their mouths closed to appease.
Think about how they passed on in doubt and self-loathing.
Right then and there I knew that I had to represent; I had
to be counted in my community because it was so stilted and bigoted. I had to
find a Bible preaching and teaching church…not the gospel according to
interpretation. I had to find someone who knew that love is love is love! I had
to find something or someone who challenge me to read and know this for
myself. I know far too many people who
are trying to reconcile their faith with their sexuality…I remember one sister
watching my struggle and she put it very clearly to me…in saying that “my
sexuality is part of who I am…it’s along for the ride” after hearing that I just stopped trying to
be “Wonder Dyke” with a message for the masses and started being myself,
working out my salvation with respect and reverence. I’ve been just me ever
since….
I live out loud and out proud for the other folks who were
and are like me. I live my life out loud and out proud for the millions of kids
who are taught to hate themselves seeing suicide as the only option. I live my
life out loud and out proud because the world need to see there’s nothing
second rate or second class about me….I have the same wants, needs and have the
same dreams. I love my life out loud and out proud because I need the world to
know that I am not a stalker, a pedophile or a man hater as depicted by
mainstream culture. I live out loud and out proud because I am content to be
just me!
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