In this quest some go from relationship to relationship endlessly searching; placing all their expectations, hidden desires, hopes and dreams on some unsuspecting person. I honestly say that I have been on both sides of the quest – an immature concept and of love and “self” causes us to look to others to “complete” us or fulfill our dreams. How does an individual recognize a soul mate?, Is there a specified amount of time that we need to know this person before it hits us in the head and the heart and we begin to think that "this is it, this is my true love"? Do we have to be a 100 point match this person as e-harmony and other schlock dating services would have us to believe? Is it a major compatibility requirement to have everything in common or just several things, and why is this wonderful individual so hard to find?
I believe that all relationships that come about in our lifetime are a teaching tool/ learning experience to help us grow spiritually and also believe that soul mates (angels- there may be more than one) are in our lives to help us to learn spiritual lessons. A soul mate may be a person in your life who constantly gets "under your skin- working your last nerve" (refining us by working and manipulating our character defects until we bring them under submission. A Soul mate can be someone who you have a deep, intimate relationship with. I believe that an individual can recognize their soul mates because there is an instant feeling of "coming home" , an innate and inner calm that one feels in the presence of this special individual; everyday your soul mate and yourself recognize and respect how you help one another in your spiritual growth. I believe that perfect mate that most people seek is certainly out there, waiting to find you as well, but you have to be ready and you have to be conscious (open, honest, affirming …See 1 Corinthians chapter 13) in your relationship. If you haven't attracted that "perfect" someone, try visualizing what you want. Consider what you would your life be like with this person? How would you feel with this person? What would you do together? Also, take a look at yourself. Are you the type of person who would attract your idea of a perfect soul mate? If not, start today being that type of person to the people who are currently in your life.
Some helpful Hints on mature love:
1. Take into consideration that there is a source of wisdom within you that knows better than you do which partner will be most likely to make you happy. Do not intellectualize or get over analytical about the process – let nature take its course.
2. Stop listening to your ego, and start listening to your Higher Power and your soul be your guide.
3. Don’t be discouraged just because your attempts to find true love have not worked in the past – do not taint your future by reliving the past. A new approach and a positive outlook may produce results beyond your wildest expectations!
4. Look for the sort of person you’d want as a best friend even if you weren’t attracted to her or him sexually. (Friends often make the best lovers and should the physical become no longer possible you still have a connection on a different plain.)
5. Don‘t seek and nurture a relationship with someone “superior” (ego often prompts us to pursue someone we consider “out of our league”) whose love appears to “elevate” you in some way, but with an equal you enjoy.
6. Remember that your soul won’t be satisfied with anything less than true love. Accept no substitutes! This means waiting until you feel the unction from your Higher Power……not your loins!
7. Focus on finding a partner who wants to share the kind of life you want, rather than adjusting your desires or vice-versa in order to be with some particular person your ego thinks would be perfect for you.
8. Stop holding out for a relationship that is effortless. Intimate relationships are frequently hard work, even when the other person is a soul mate. Two individuals with two separate minds (not one head thinking for both – it’s about conversation and compromise)
9. Trust your heart. Trust your gut. And trust the inner sense you have when the energy closes down around some involvement. Be willing to consider change when some aspect of your life has ceased to be fulfilling- Note: this point did not state to call it quits and move on (remember point #8) This point states - be open to change: too often we hold on to dysfunction and end up killing the connection.
10. Sometimes releasing a lover to seek greater fulfillment elsewhere is the highest expression of love. If you love someone love them enough to set them free (corny but wholly accurate quote) – give them space to grow….some plants cannot and will not blossom in the shadow of another.
11. Recognize that your happiness in life doesn’t depend upon being loved, but upon loving.
12. Come from strength, and focus on what you have to give others rather than on what you hope to get from them.
I am not going to say
whether I’ve found my soul mate….I will say that I have met someone that is
extremely special. This special someone makes me think about who I am as an
individual and in those thoughts I am constantly challenged and I am constantly
striving to be a better person. This
individual is extremely spiritual and I feel an intense sense of connection to
my Higher Power and to them based on their heart, words and actions. I am
honored that this special individual chooses to share their time with me. I am
open an honest at all times….I try my best to be clear in my communication.
When I was younger I had a jealous – possessive kind of love (I still get jealous but I am able to talk
about the who/what/ where/when/ why and how’s) of the feeling….but I know for a
fact that you can never possess another human being……consider it a blessing
that someone chooses to share their lives with you and treat it as a gift from
your Higher Power – always be mindful of the gift of love!
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