Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Sometimes the best advice you could give is your silence BY: KB 1.19.16



My tv was on for the 3 day weekend but my mind was elsewhere….I watched the NFL playoff games but I was really focused on thoughts on life and just how truly blessed I am. My family was seriously worried about the results of the cat scan – the didn’t say much but the pressured silence and minimal questions spoke for itself. They were elated when I shared that no other procedures were necessary ….then the questions came; mom just unloaded her tension…I could hear it in her words. I had to say “what was the worst that the news could be?” I’ve already dealt with cancer and I have lived on my terms ever since so if it was “bad news” to the family…I would continue on business as usual. Don’t get me wrong I still feel like there’s so much more to do but I know that I’m working things out one day at a time…walking in faith, being true to me and praising God for the blessings and lessons.

The other thing that I discovered during my “disconnect” is that I absolutely HATE to hear people harangue and harp on trivial matters….
I got a call that just ravaged and savage my spirit and my ear…I finally had to just tell the person  to shut the hell up and listen for a minute. I pointed out that they could have the soundest advice ever and that their point could be impenetrably salient but have they ever asked themselves if the recipient EVER asked for their help or advice?  I had to ask the person what’s their payoff in feeling like they have to put on a cape and rescue? I had to ask the person have they ever just sat and listened without feeling the need to respond. I had to tell the person that my having to listen to their complaints about others is getting old. I also had to point out to the individual that they are keeping tabs….counting up what they feel that they are owed for their service….noting that they got “paid” when the recipients said “Thank you…” and that rattling off what they do for others is tacky….like the saying goes “don’t eat with those who will brag about feeding you”  Now, I know we have all done it from time to time when we feel slighted but when do you recognize that you’re speaking from some level of wounded pride and bruised ego?

My grandma always said “don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing…” I get it. I don’t let everyone in my business. If I do something for someone it’s between me and them. If I get angry about something that person said or did….I check myself first to see why I’m angry. I will also clearly point out to people  - don’t give me advice unless I ask for help; that doesn’t mean you can’t share your experiences but I didn’t ask for a lecture on “SHOULDS”  it’s my life and my lessons to learn..

How ya livin’?

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