Losing My Religion By: KB 12 23 15

There’s an R.E.M. that was quite popular some years back; the lyrics are: 

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion

I am so there! I am so sick of the delusional thinking and subtle brainwashing that leading Black folks into apathy , lethargy and eventually slaughter. It’s all done under the guise and gall of religion. People are telling themselves that their anger about certain things is un-Christian…wake the hell up!!!

A while back I came across the question: would you be a Christian today if your slave master wasn’t a Christian? I struggled with and still wrestle with that very loaded question….I believe in God but I am really struggling with the label of Christian because I’ve seen and heard some very poor representatives of Christianity…all the while justifying and rationalizing their character defects in scriptural deflections.

I also looked up a very perplexing bit of scripture that many people still use to justify their madness or excuse their apathy.

Colossians 3:22     Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.

This passage is used by abusers and victims alike; the abuser tells their victim that their abuse is sanctioned by God and the victim tells themselves that it’s not Christian to be angry or rebel against the abuse. This mentality is the very reason why it’s “open season” on Black folks. We are still viewed as property and we are brainwashed into believing we must tolerate the abuse.

Oh my people I am her to tell you that you are taking your scripture waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of context. If you believe that the passage deals with obedience and the “slave master” is teaching it to you…isn’t he/she held to the same level of accountability? If God is about love doesn’t he/she have a moral obligation to abide by the same standard? So why are you apologizing for YOUR mistreatment?

Let’s look at one of the well-known Commentary’s on the passage:

Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

3:18-25 The epistles most taken up in displaying the glory of the Divine grace, and magnifying the Lord Jesus, are the most particular in pressing the duties of the Christian life. We must never separate the privileges and duties of the gospel. Submission is the duty of wives. But it is submission, not to a severe lord or stern tyrant, but to her own husband, who is engaged to affectionate duty. And husbands must love their wives with tender and faithful affection. Dutiful children are the most likely to prosper. And parents must be tender, as well as children obedient. Servants are to do their duty, and obey their masters' commands, in all things consistent with duty to God their heavenly Master. They must be both just and diligent; without selfish designs, or hypocrisy and disguise. Those who fear God, will be just and faithful when from under their master's eye, because they know they are under the eye of God. And do all with diligence, not idly and slothfully; cheerfully, not discontented at the providence of God which put them in that relation. And for servants' encouragement, let them know, that in serving their masters according to the command of Christ, they serve Christ, and he will give them a glorious reward at last. But, on the other hand, he who doeth wrong, shall receive for the wrong which he hath done. God will punish the unjust, as well as reward the faithful servant; and the same if masters wrong their servants. For the righteous Judge of the earth will deal justly between master and servant. Both will stand upon a level at his tribunal. How happy would true religion make the world, if it everywhere prevailed, influenced every state of things, and every relation of life! But the profession of those persons who are regardless of duties, and give just cause for complaint to those they are connected with, deceives themselves, as well as brings reproach on the gospel.

How can you continue to participate, don’t kid yourselves apathy and lethargy are passive forms of participation; in the things that YOU know are not from God.

How ya livin’ 

Bye Bye Bye By: KB 12.15.15

As the New Year fast approaches I want to take time to self-reflect, in font off course, and address the good, the bad and the ugly of 2014.

The good: I had an opportunity to really just let go and be a kid again. I got out of the house and explored the city and enjoyed a few sites that I had let slip by the wayside. Note to self, you live in an amazing city and you owe it to yourself to explore every hidden nook and cranny; even if you’ve been to the place a thousand times you can constantly see things with fresh new eyes. I don’t like the beach but I love the sound of the waves and the smell of the ocean so I compromised and hung out by the SF yacht club and then headed down to the tourist spots on the pier. I rediscovered restaurants and dives…I have to admit I’m kind of partial to the dives because they remind me of my childhood and my blue collar roots.

The bad:  I am fortunate not to have too much bad but what I did have was bad enough to get me in focus and grounded in life. Let’s start with the most recent….a 1 week stay in the hospital due to a cyst and a really outrageous fever as a result of a strange bacterial infection….(still undetermined how I picked up the bacteria) The pain was excruciating and I have a very high pain threshold. I am still on antibiotics (mind you I was hospitalized on November 12^th and it’s now December 15^th. It just speaks to the severity of the situation). During the hospitalization I found out that I’m dancing with the devil diabetes. I have a family history but I’m fighting like hell to manage my blood sugar this on top of already having genetic high blood pressure.

 I’m including the fact that I had to let go of some folks in 2015, not to a physical death but to a mental and emotional releasing. I believe Gwyneth Paltrow said it best when she coined the phrase “conscious uncoupling.” I realized that I hold on to people or things far too long thinking they’re going to get better or make adjustments…extending the benefit of the doubt when doubt is all there ever is. I’ve release some people due to extreme selfishness…they had no qualms about depleting my resources while hoarding theirs; calling upon me to add stress to my life. You know the folks who call on you like you’re Olivia Pope (Scandal) to fix their lives only so you can accommodate their own hedonism. I had to release my own notion of romanticism and romantic love because not everyone can and will appreciate it. I had to understand it was born out of my own need….. which leads me to the ugly.

The ugly: I had to realize that the notion of my “romanticism and incurable romantic” (oh! Trust I’m cured) was birth from my childhood insecurities and dysfunction….and it led me to a place of thirst (some of y’all know what thirst means on a street level but I’m talking about in a Biblical sense….I had a serious desert experience. I was left to wander an emotional wilderness to really search my soul and I learned some hard truths but the beauty of it all is that I lived to tell about it. I’ve gone through it hopefully I’ve learned all of what it had to teach me and I am so much better for having gone through it.

 

I am reborn, refocus and rejuvenated from all of 2015 and I am ready to taste the fruit that the good Lord sees fit to provide….

How ya livin’?

Confessions By: KB 12 1 15

I’ve been silent for a minute because 1) I have been dealing with some health issues and 2) I have been really struggling with the idea of getting buck naked candid about my life. I’ve always been a bit on the puny side so I expect health issues to pop up every now and again; it’s just second nature to me and I just roll with whatever shows up. Now, as far as getting buck naked transparent in my writing, that’s a horse of another color. I’ve always been a private person – private to the point of being somewhat of a recluse. I have a tendency to show just enough of myself to let you know I’m alive and I’m real. Exposing myself in font is a new genre for yours truly but as the old folks used to say “tell the truth and shame the devil.”  With that being said – here goes:

For as “OUT”, bold and open as I am….I am also very, very conservative. I hold firm and fast to some very traditional values so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered I was a “f#$k boi” For those of you who do not know what that means I suggest you hit this link http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning-definition-of/fuck-boy

Now, this is not an “ah- ha!” moment this is the culmination of some various life lessons. I’m not saying I wasn’t successful in relationships. I had 1 major long term relationship (over 14 years) and a few that went two or more years. I say it’s a culmination of life lessons because over the years I heard words and phrases like settled, too vanilla, bored, too nice……..but it took one person to really open my eyes to what I don’t EVER want and I had to learn that lesson being that F--- boi…I never knew what hit me until I was steamrollered; I am pretty street smart so it only added insult to injury but you best believe I got the life lesson!

I fell into a puddle of feelings and I allowed myself to be submerged…but trust and believe things dried up really quickly when I started really looking at the warning signs AND THERE WERE PLENTY!!! I’m attracted to strong women; sisters who can do things for themselves but I had to learn that there are far too many insecure sister hiding behind the façade of “can do” and are using bluster and rude as a poor substitute for strength….but here I am firmly entrenched in my feelings and now caught up in the whirlpool of insecurity…both mine and theirs. But like most folks in recovery…..you just learn to thank God for the moment of clarity……my faith , yes, I said my faith (being gay does not exclude me from being connected to my Higher power no more than my giving in to my flesh….we all fall short)

What did I learn from the experience? ….being led by feelings is a sorry way to live…you’re always going to drift aimlessly from one crisis to the next. Be still and know what you want and how you want it….be willing to compromise but not to the point where you lose sight of the initial desire. Most importantly TRUST your Higher Power to lead