What can I say? The title says it all; I remember my grandma and my mother both using the phrase, trouble is my mother was also taught me about dichotomy in the phrase. Allow me to flesh this thing out a little bit ….keeping it real, raw and 100 ….like I do.
I have often shared how grateful I am that Facebook (of all things) has allowed me to connect with my family (gotta say it’s quite large and we have sooooo many traits in common.) I grew up in a world that did not extend beyond my parents, siblings and some first cousins. I knew names and stories, I occasionally saw the faces behind the legendary tales but for the most part I lived in a world that consisted of my parents and siblings. Why? My mom was a victim of domestic violence and her pride would not let her reach out….I now know that there were family members that would have definitely taken my father to task. My grandfather, on several occasions had to give my father a “tune up” but when he got sick and frail my father took the illness as a get out of jail free card. I can’t remember which of my grandparents had passed, I believe it was my grandmother but what I do remember is my father slapping my mother, splitting her lip, the night before a funeral. I do remember my father sadistically tearing our pets from the home and laughing about how he put them out of the car on the expressway. I do remember many a woman coming to the house and calling, often openly challenging my mother about who she was. I do remember my father living in the house that my mother paid rent on, eating steaks in front of us when we were struggling to get by on rice until my mother’s next pay day. I do remember my father stealing rent money and my mother at wits end dealing with loan companies to get by. I do remember my mother being garnished for my father’s debts ….I remember being a frightened kid crying and trying to protect my mom; I also remember being a teenager plotting on how to kill my father after he beat my mother unmercifully. I do remember all the ass whoopings I took because I would openly defy him because I knew he was a bully. I do remember the liberation that came as a teenager when challenging him, telling him that I wasn’t going to take any more ass whoopings because HE was having a bad day. I do remember trembling when I said it , telling him I know I’m not going to win but he’s gonna know that he was in a fight.” I remember having a heartfelt conversation with my mother, begging her to leave my father to save her life (he often used the kids as hostage negotiations)…but she had to save her life. I remember my father petitioning for divorce citing abandonment as the cause. I remember my father selling the house we lived in (bought with insurance money from my grandparents passing) and offering my mother a portion….mind you he NEVER contributed one dime to raising kids or household expenses…..
I’m saying all this to say …my gramps didn’t raise any weak folks; you come for me you better pack a lunch and if you beat me, you better sleep with one eye open. My gramps was a man’s man. My gramps taught us right from wrong and to take as many ass whoopings that the world had to offer and not avoid the lesson it taught or compromise on the principles that you KNEW were true. My gramps taught us that family is all that matters…. I don’t know where my mom gave up. I don’t know where the disconnect came in: I guess pride, guilt and shame all combined and the weight of it all crushed her spirit…..I AM NOT MY MOM!!!! I love the lady, I love the fact that she was still able to teach what my gramps intended for us to have and be.
FAMILY IS EVERYTHING!!!!!
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