The Terror Within BY: KB 11 9 15

As Veteran's Day approaches...I want to share some of my thoughts about the military My family is chocked full of service men and women from West Point to Commissioned Officers. My father was a 20 year man....although most of what he told me about his service was lies...I know that the majority of the family stood tall and served proudly. I was even pursued and recruited for service just prior to graduating from high school...up until the point where I told my father there was no way in hell that I was going to don any uniform of service. I cited the same principles that ALI told our draft board.

Needless to say my father was as mad as hell....but I also had to remind him of the fact that I 

remember every last picture and newsreel from Vietnam. I had to remind him of the heroin that had come from the jungles that blighted our neighborhoods. I had to remind him of the fact that a teenage boy, our neighbor, had used that very drug to commit suicide in order to avoid the draft. I salute and honor all who wear the uniform and who proudly serve....I respect that and the bravery it took to step onto foreign soil to serve. 

My fight is here!!! I rage war and rail against a system that creates the electric fence that holds just enough charge to stun....don't think I haven't notice that the voltage has changed. I fight against a system that forced feed a diet of death and tries to convince me I'm at a banquet. I fight against a system that consistently tells me to wave a flag when someone else gets to dictate what rights and protection I will have under the empty banner. My battle is with the domestic enemy.

Rude IS A POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR KNOWLEDGE AND POWER By: KB 11.2.15

I have a very definitive sense of right and wrong. If I’m wrong I can admit it, make amends and move on… What I don’t suffer and will not tolerate under NO circumstances is ignorance and rudeness being disguised as power. I cannot and I will not suffer fools and it’s not my job to see to it that you obtain knowledge. I can only share what I know and it’s up to the individual to accept or reject it.

Let me just say I now know how both my mom and grandma felt when they offered their wisdom and it was promptly rejected as old-fashioned or nonsense. I now understand why old folks used to say “children should be seen and not heard.” Most times, It wasn’t said in the context of disrespect or silencing a child’s voice it was spoken more so in the context of and intervention because the older person had lived through the experience.

With the onslaught of social media kids believe that can say and do what they want without impunity. They believe that they are making valid and informed decisions based on something that they’ve read on the net……..REALLY?!!! An incredible amount of misinformation and biased reporting is generated en masse and then disseminated to the internet populous to do what they do with it. We quote shaky sources like busy dung beetles.

Don’t get angry with me because I tell you that I don’t give a damn about Cookie or Luscious Lyon…they are tv characters!  Turn off the tv and turn off the stereotypes and read a damn book …learn about you! Don’t get angry with me when I point out and call out institutionalized racism. The people who don’t “see color” are silent accomplices in their own oppression; the people who see it yet remain silent are also responsible for the offense.

Stop the madness……..stop perpetuating stereotypes….embrace your potential and walk in your calling!!!

Now, let me repeat this yet again….my pro-Black is not anti-white….I want people to detach from all the self-loathing and toxicity that has been taught and heaped upon them about their Black heritage. Divorce your miseducation and teach someone the truth. Break free from your mental colonization...

How ya livin'?

Don’t Read This If You’re Sensitive….Cause I’m About To Tell It Like It T-I Tis BY : KB 10 28 15

Eryka Badu starts off one of her songs with” now keep in mind that I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit…” With that in mind allow me to do what I do…

Now keep in mind that I’m a lesbian and I’m serious about my sisters….and I would be remiss if I didn’t take the time to school you on a few things…

First, and foremost please haul off and slap any woman who start spouting and touting this pseudo-feminist bullshit. You know the young sisters who will tell you without hesitation that Beyonce is a feminist and will then start talking about power, money and other material shit that doesn’t matter. 

Beyonce is no damn feminist!!!! Yes, she has power and clout but she has set women so far back in the fight for equality….Beyonce has allowed herself to be objectified and racialized as a “Masters’ fantasy. Yes, there’s power in the punanny , men and women came through it and have been trying to get back in it since the beginning of time, but it’s an empty victory because men and woman will then be on the prowl /hunt for something more exciting.  The power of the “nanny” should be used in such a way where whoever you’re with knows that there is nothing better…how do you achieve this? You achieve it by respecting the sanctity and sacredness of your yoni (look it up) and treating it with as a sacred gift.

Gloria Steinem’s definition of feminism is : feminism simply means complete social and economic equality between men and women -- not man-hating, angry women, as pop culture often makes feminists out to be. Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique also subscribed to and opened America’s eyes to the idea of equal rights….now for as powerful as these women were in the fight…I have to ask where are the Black women? Have we been once again whitewashed from the history? Our fight is somewhat different but I see or hear no references to them. No disrespect to the Jewish sisters who fought the good fight but you lost some credibility in my eyes because of the exclusion…once again we see that “we the people” means white people.

Now, let me shift gears a bit and address some of the misguided youngsters who idolize Nicki Minaj and Beyonce….you guys have confused materialism with power and respect….and if you have spent any time really listening to true hustlers and folks on the grind you would know that all money ain’t good money! You also fail to realize that you embrace yet another stereotype that is meant to shame and degrade you and you try to normalize the bullshit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a young sister say  “…but I’m a good one” after some joker has called her a bitch. That’s the same mentality that young brothers use when they try to convince you that they have embraced the N word because they have the power and control of how it’s used….you forget that no matter how many ways YOU use it that people have be hurt beyond measure because of it. You forget that folks have died for your right to be treated as kings and queens yet you still co-sign the ignorance by using the words on one another and the person that’s trying to keep you oppressed is gaining capital in your ignorance. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard mother’s tell their daughters “don’t let no man lay up in your house without payin’ for something.” Mama…did you really mean to give your daughter the message to whore herself out? How did you forget the sanctity of the Yoni? Are you removed from your own hurt and pain that you’re normalizing the bullshit by telling your child that she can and should endure the same degradation as long as she is being paid?

Now for you sisters who embrace the words bitch and ho like it’s on your birth certificate, y’all scare me. I know you’re none of these things but y’all have gotten to comfortable suiting up in uniform and playing for the home team. You have substituted rudeness for power and you’ve come to believe that the material things you amass somehow define your character. You’ve become so shallow and insecure that you take great pleasure in tearing down other sisters or you’re only friends with them because their fragility makes you look better.

Oh my sisters….we have been miseducated to the point of believing that individuality means to squash our sisters. We have been sold a W.A.S.P principle that does not fit our cultural sensibilities…we are from villages, tribes, counties and hamlets that thrive because of the sense of community……get back to loving you, loving your people and loving your community

How Ya livin’?

I’M NOT BLIND, NOR AM I DEAF….I’ve seen and heard it all KB: 10.25.15

Just a share of what I had to overcome to get to the tough as nails fighter, don’t give a damn, tell it like it is person… that I am

Recent conversations flooded my brain with crazy bad memories and lies my father told me…WWII was 1939- 1945  (beginning when Germany invades Poland) My father was born in 1937…he somehow manages to defy time to be a Paratrooper in Germany with a German wife….and got seriously pissed to the point of wanting to hit me because I knew the historic timeline. The so called wife was a picture he cut out of my mother’s yearbook.

My father always traveled with a pack of sleazy brothers who would only come to our house to drink his liquor and try to talk really slick and slimy to my mom. Then my father would have the nerve to go all crazy violent with my mother and never said anything to the sleazy muthas he brought to the house

My father also had his artist phase were he walked around wearing a beret…telling people that he spoke French. He even gave himself the middle name Maurice….he never had a middle name. I spoke French, I was pretty good at it thanks to a high school teacher…he, however didn’t have a clue.

My father attended college off and on to compete with various people in his life…when in reality his reading, writing and comprehension level was a strong indication of why he opted for a military outlet

My father would often brag on his contributions to my well being and education when in reality he didn’t do a damn thing in any way, shape or form. He lived in the house for my entire childhood and never paid rent or bought groceries…if he bought food it was for him only! He never bought a school supply or school clothes

There are NO FOND memories!!! I did not like or respect the man…I feared him and at some point the fear dissipated and I constantly challenged him (if you beat something long enough it will either cower and die or it will turn on you….I had just enough steel in my character to fight….I am not afraid to take a beating fighting for what I believe in)  but I look at the experiences like this….there are people in your life who you want to emulate and there are those who show you how not to proceed in life. 

I have a lot of kids in my life and I try to be a strong presence and a positive role model. I won’t co-sign something because it’s what someone wants to hear…I’m going to tell these kids they screwed up but I am going to love and support them through it. I’m not going to love with terms and conditions and mete out or withhold love out like a system of reward and punishments

Shout out to all my friends who have lost mothers or fathers as a result of domestic violence....I know the trauma of seeing someone you love brutalized and I know your struggle to be in a "normal/stable" relationships with anyone...we had few examples

Shout all to all the aunties and uncles who stepped up and stood in the gap in service and prayer

If I Have Not Love BY:KB 10 25 15

What can I say? I had a make or break moment yesterday where all my humanity (humanness/flesh) came against all my faith. The struggle is real y’all….I had a Jacob moment where I had to wrestle with something until it blessed me and the scary thing is that I had to rely totally on the Holy Spirit to guide me in a matter of seconds. I did so knowing that how I responded would and could dramatically change lives. I just want to take a second to thank God for discernment.

The words of 1 Corinthians 13 just popped into my spirit this morning..not the entire passage but the words “if I have not love…” Sometimes in life you have to look long and hard at the word love and fully understand ALL the definitions, terms and conditions of the word.

I had to personally question how much hypocrisy would be acceptable for me; hypocrisy, the very thing that I rail against on a regular basis and here it is front and center in my life.

It’s me, it’s me, it’s me oh Lord

Got 99 Problems But My Dad Ain’t 1 KB 10.24.15

Wow!!!!  My uncle, who I have not seen or spoken to in 37 years just reached out to me on Facebook. We have not spoken due to fractured family relationships….but I have no beef with him…he has always been beyond cool with me. He would come by and say hello and hang out with us despite my father’s and his father’s insanity and dysfunction.

My back and forth conversation with him brought back some very vivid memories and also highlighted the fact that no matter what I’ve done and what I’ve become in life my father would find fault with all of it. It was hard enough being an honors student and a recruited athlete…he always found a way to attach an exception to all my laurels. The thing that would really bring forth venom and bile is the fact that I’m openly gay, living out loud and proud.

I was once asked by an arm-chair psychiatrist (you know, that person that can quote self-help rhetoric) like it’s a mantra.) if I  believe I was gay because I have “daddy issue”?  I gave the question all the time it deserved maybe 2 seconds , 1 second, too long….before I responded. I have known I was different since the age of about 5…I just didn’t know what to call it. When I did know there was a word for it…the word that the adults around me used were never positive or affirming  (faggot, funny, punk, sissy, dyke and bulldagger) so I learned to lie and cover up who I was …up until about the age 25.

I do own up to having “daddy issues” and after I list them…you can tell me if my issues are valid. My father was a brutal man that confused masculinity and power with abuse –mental, verbal and physical. He often entertained himself by pitting my brother against me in some sort of sick gladiator play. My father was a serial philanderer who had women come to our home to openly question and challenge my mother like she did something wrong. My father would often take me to his various girlfriend’s homes under the guise of doing fatherly outings. Then I would be groomed and brainwashed not to say anything. My father’s idea of an outing would be to supply me with quarters to shoot pool or play the jukebox at his local watering hole – I was pretty much raised in a bar. My father pretty much sponged and stole money from my mother up until the age of 34 when he decided to work full-time but when he did work he did not pay rent or buy groceries…his money was his money. My father was a man of extraordinary cruelty, he often exacted that cruelty out on physically abusing my mother. My mom would sometimes have to miss work because of the brutality….keep in mind that she was the sole means of support for 3 children and he did not care. My father would come in the house , cook and eat a steak after we would only have rice for dinner (my mom often not eating at all)….my father would offer us his gravy like we were starving dogs that he felt sorry for….not sorry enough to give up the steak mind you. My father sold my mother’s house after she left his for all the stated reasons – she purchased that house with her inheritance money from her parent’s death. The list goes on but you get the gist….so yeah I do have daddy issues but my sexuality was shaped and founded long before I knew what daddy issues were.

Welcome back Uncle and here’s hoping to healing a broken family.

I’m A Soldier By: KB 10 20 15

Matthew 6: 14 – 15     14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25     25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. "

Ephesians 4:32   Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Matthew 6:15  But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Proverbs 10:12      Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Oh, I think we have a few things twisted….it wouldn’t be the first time. I challenge you to look up every possible scripture on forgiveness and tell me where it states to for you to forget….

The majority of the word tells us to forgive but it also takes in mind who we are as sentient beings knowing it is not in our nature to forget…

Why is it that we have come to believe that we should forget? If you break a bone (bond) do you not favor it until your heart and mind get on one accord and you KNOW that your fracture is healed? KNOW being the operative word….you know when the limb begins to resume “normal” functioning and strength.

I say this because people of color have been taught to forgive and forget as a way to become complicit in their own demise. Forgive and forget the atrocities because we were taught that our anger was against what God wanted and we dare not offend God….

Now don’t get me wrong…hatred for my fellow man is totally out of line. I do not harbor hate or ill will for anyone but I won’t forget either. If I forget then I give permission to my own harm. The word does not render you an ill-equipped amnesiac to blindly follow whoever has the ability to speak the words that appeal to you….the word prepares you to be a mentally and emotionally armed soldier of/for social justice.

How ya livin’?