I remember a while back having a conversation with a friend who was
rather butt hurt over a failed relationship And in their anger the person said “that’s
what I get for trying to make a ho a housewife.” Needless to say I was floored by the comment.
The statement brought up a myriad of questions for me; the first thought was:
why would you call someone that you claimed to have feelings for a ho? I then
progressed to why would you even consider “wifing” someone who caused you to
doubt their fidelity? After all that I finally graduated to what insecurities
did you present to put you in such a position? (trust me there had to be a
payoff)
I had to take time to collect myself before I spoke to my
friend because the individual was in such a dark, angry place but, because I
love my friend and I too have been to the place that they were now in, I finally
got around to asking the questions that are a cause for personal pause.
The first thing I said was a quote that many of us use but
ignore the message as personal advice….the quote is by Maya Angelou “The first
time someone shows you who they are, believe them!” Don’t ever be fooled when people by people
TELLING you who they are because self-perception is often deceitful. Actions
will reveal character. With that being said I asked my friend to think about
the first “red flag” and sure enough something was revealed during the
courtship. I then got my friend to start talking about what made them overlook
the flag and why they were so invested in the situation and the bottom line was
they tended to define themselves by relationship and connection. Come to find out, my friend had no sense of
self-worth and they were willing to settle for a feeling rather than the
entirety of a relationship. I had to go to my Bible to share a few things that
I used to get me through some craziness in my life when I was in the same
emotional state –
Song of Solomon 4:7
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
Psalm 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you
knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and
wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for
welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Does any of this resonate with you at any point in your
life? Where are you now? I shared with
my friend that I still get caught up and mess up along the way but I am a bit
quicker to cut things off that go in contradiction to who God says I am and attempts
to alienate me from whose I am.
How ya livin’ ?
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